Not That Kind of Web Show
by muaaimoi
Summary: In which the internet makes them do it. Also, feelings might be involved. Shenny, eventual smut. Come on, give it a try. You know you want to!
1. Chapter 1

**Not that Kind of Web-Show**

_**by: muaaimoi**_

Sheldon is Knock-knock-knocking on her door and Penny is not in the mood for this. She's just started coming down from her performance high and she's feeling pretty cranky. Sadly, this is Sheldon, and he's not going to go away until he gets whatever it is he came for. So she has to go deal with the weirdo.

" What?" Penny snarls as she opens the door. Sheesh, she really is grumpy.

Sheldon is holding his laptop and glaring at her. Angry Cooper, her very favorite. Yay.

" I am here to rescind all previous thanks on your assistance on my web show 'Fun with Flags'. Your very presence has turned the comments section from a place of positive, even constructive feedback, aside from the unavoidable frivolity. To a gossip forum. I can only hope Amy understands that you mean nothing to me. Goodnight, home-wrecker."

His piece said, Sheldon turns around and leaves.

Penny blinks in confusion after him. What? She'd done the stupid web-show days ago. Why was he going on about it now?

You know what? Whatever, Sheldon's gone and this great bottle of wine her co-star had sent her was calling her name. Penny puts the entire incident out of her mind, just another in a dozen bizarre Penny and Sheldon interactions.

The next morning Amy calls.

" Is it true?" Amy demands. Penny's eyes widen in surprise. It's really unusual for Amy to talk to her that way.

" Is what true?" Penny, asks. She has no idea what Amy's talking about.

" That you find Sheldon's awkwardness attractive and that you plan to take him and his sizable equipment for a ride." Amy promptly replies.

Penny tries to ask if it's April first, but the words get stuck in her throat and all she manages is a " grh."

Has the world gone mad? Her and Sheldon? Sizable equipment, a ride? What?

" Is that a confirmation? It sounds like a confirmation" Amy says. And it dawns on Penny that Amy sounds exited of all things. " Oh happy day! My dream of us being violated by the same man is going to come true! Not even Sheldon's monumental intimacy issues will stand a chance against your farm girl appeal. And once you seduce him and move on, I will be his only option available for coitus. It's win-win. Except for maybe Leonard, but don't worry besty, I will keep your torrid affair with his best friend a secret."

" Urk." Penny says, because she can't manage anything but pained sounds in response to that.

"So what's the plan? You know what? I'm on my way to work, I'll head over right after I finish, we can go over the details together, just tell me any way I can help. I'll need to remember to send JazzyStacy83 another gift basket! This is so exciting!"

With that, Amy hangs up.

" Gah." Penny tells her phone.

This has to be a joke. Please let that all have been a joke.

Except maybe Penny isn't as stupid as everyone seems to think she is, because somehow, probably the sinking feeling in her gut, she just knows it isn't.

She almost wishes she were that stupid though, because then her brain wouldn't be connecting the dots. Sheldon's nonsense from yesterday. The person responsible for Amy's current crazy; JazzyStacy83.

It's totally that stupid web-shows fault.

Penny would bet her only pair of comfortable, seven inch, black stilettos on it.

So Penny runs into the living room and frantically boots up her laptop. She logs into her e-mail and finally clicks on the link Sheldon had sent her about the show.

She doesn't bother watching the video, just scrolls straight to the comments section.

Penny stares straight at the top comment under the video. Closes her eyes, pinches herself and opens them again. Nope.

It still there.

From **Zadxx36:**

_Well she cares enough to go on the stupid show. Those two should just kiss already._

It has twenty three likes. And in response to that? **D0053zz:**

_Who are they kidding? They're totally fucking. She'd look way more freaked by the geek if they weren't._

It's got six likes.

Penny is trying not to have a panic attack. Because holy crap on a cracker, collectively, about 29 people think she should be, or is, with Sheldon. _Sheldon._

The video only has five hundred hits on YouTube.

And there are more comments. Why, oh why, are there more comments?

Life is making no sense. Like none, at all.

And Amy is still coming over after work.

_**X**_

_**So we all know I shouldn't be doing this. Other fics are calling my name and all, but I had to write this. Had to. You have no idea. **_

_**Besides, this might be fun for you guys too. This is gonna be a three-shot, and the next chapter is mostly Penny reading comments. So guess what? I could use some help with that. Leave a comment if you want your own 'comment' on the fictional web-show. Come on, what do you think you could say that would help speed the plot along? What kind of thing would make Penny consider taking a ride on Sheldon's sizable equipment? Would you mind if I used your actual penname? Let me know!**_

_**Also, just FYI; this fic probably won't be for Leonard lovers.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Not that Kind of Web-Show**

_**by: muaaimoi**_

The really messed up part is that not all the comments are crazy. Or at least, not Penny and Sheldon belong together crazy. These are people, this is Youtube, technically this is nothing Penny isn't familiar with. They're just, well, Youtube comments.

_Can't believe this guy knows such a hot blond._

_Oh my god! When he went open your legs! I *DIED*. Why aren't the rest of these this funny?_

___LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!_

_Fuck Flags! Live for ANARCHY!_

_This is so fucking stupid man who cares about flags. This dude is a total fag. Id show the hottie a good time_

_Love the chicks sarcasm._

_lol_

_FUCK YEAH NEBRASKA!_

That's why it's so incredibly jarring when she reads something that means real people out there took one look at her and Sheldon and decided they had something like chemistry.

_Those two compliment each other so well, love this new girl more than the other one, hope she appears more often._

It's not even opinionated and obnoxious. How is Penny supposed to get mad at a comment like that? It's just someone being nice. Crazy, because Sheldon doesn't compliment her at all. No matter how well they work together when they have a common goal. They argue too much and she doesn't get him at all. He thinks she's stupid, and she knows he's an arrogant bastard ninety nine percent of the time. The idea of being paired with Sheldon is offensive.

_Did anyone else notice halfway through her left hand just itching to reach for his leg and when he opened up at the end, totally checking out the goods. You go Girl get you some Robotic Flag man ass_

And when people make comments like that? It's only natural for her to take offence. And its so much easier to be offended when people think they get to have opinions like that. Yes she's aware Sheldon's packing heat. The flash costume is a little tighter around the crotch than Penny thinks it should be is all. It's not like she actually spends time checking! It's just kind of hard to miss. Especially when compared to Leonard... And that is not the kind of thing a good girlfriend thinks, so Penny goes back to reading the comments.

_Swear that Sheldon was indirectly making a pass at Penny..i don't think he knew it tho (but, boy she sure did. Did ya see that look on her face? *PRICELESS* ;)_

She doesn't even know how to react to some of them. Some comments live in this grey area where Penny can't form a coherent opinion on them. This kind of thing makes her head hurt. Sheldon wasn't hitting on her. Hitting on people is something so far removed from Sheldon's skill set it might as well be on another planet. It had been awkward, that was all it was. Sheldon taking her advice and twisting it into something that didn't make sense to anyone else. Kind of like the people who watched the video seemed to twist the actual content and turn it into something completely different.

_OMG! So cute together. I almost never RPS but! These two tho! New OTP!_

Like that. She had to go on urban dictionary to look some of these up. No way in hell was Sheldon part of anyone's One True Pairing. Not even Amy's since she seemed willing to share him, and man could Penny not wrap her head around that. It actually pissed her off on Sheldon's behalf. What kind of girlfriend was Amy really? If she just saw Sheldon as a means to an end? It wasn't right.

_Yeah. Her look of disgust and horror during Fun with Flags really lends to a believable Romance. Rewatch the episode and watch Penny's face. She was disgusted and horrified. You should be embarrassed._

Finally! Sanity! Someone who got that Sheldon could never even function with someone that way. Certainly not Penny. Even if the idea that someone thought Sheldon disgusted her made her kind of mad. Why did the lone voice of reason sound so hateful? First and foremost Sheldon was her friend. He'd weirded her out once or twice, but he had nothing on the oceans of creepy Howard and Raj inspired. And he'd always been so unapologetic about being himself. Some part of Penny admired that. It was hard not to. It was just such a rare quality in people. Especially among their friends.

Leonard just tried a little too hard. Or rather way, way too hard. Stealing her mail, always willing to lend a hand, quick to offer up anything he thought would get him into her good graces. He was kind of a doormat. But he was her boyfriend. So she was careful when she stepped on him now a days.

She was a lot nicer to him that Sheldon was to Amy at least. He kind of just bulldozed over her. What little ground Amy made she did with fast science talk and near worship. If not outright worship. Only the knowledge that nothing could actually make Sheldon's ego worse kept Penny from attempting to interfere with that relationship. If that's what Amy wanted in her boyfriend, well Penny couldn't really judge.

Glass houses and all that. Penny didn't know what she was doing with Leonard most of the time. She tried not to think about it because it was one of the longest relationships she'd ever managed. And Penny really didn't want to think about what that said about her track record. It was just so much easier to stay with Leonard. That was the truth of it, he was such a good friend. And it wasn't like she had to worry that he'd ever dump her or cheat.

Penny sighed, turning her attention back to her laptop screen. She really didn't like to think about it. Then her eyes caught the user name **JazzyStacy83**:

_Gawd, Sheldon is soooo adorkable! Knew I wasn't the only hot blonde that would hit that! Fuck the whole awkward genius thing is so sexy! Go Penny, take that sizable equipment for a ride!_

Penny just kind of gawks at the comment a little. It's got four likes.

The Hell? This is what had Amy convinced she was ready to jump into the sack with Sheldon. What? But before the outrage can properly sink in, someone is knocking frantically at her door and some part of Penny just knows it's Amy. Her eyes flicker to the clock as she gets up to open the door. Amy's early, but that's a good thing. Penny's got plenty of yelling to do.

_**X**_

_**Thanks for you guys that commented! It really helped a lot! Also this has been extended to a four part fic.**_

_**That said, if you ship Shenny, just ignore this bit:**_

_**Okay, Shamy shippers, this rant is for you. So canon bends over backwards to support you. Good for you. Now will you please stop telling me to go watch the show? Of course I watch the show! I'm writing fanfiction for it, hello?**_

_** And you know what? As Penny's originally fiery, bubbly, confident, and self-possessed character is slowly eroded and she becomes this jaded, cynical, alcoholic with a dying sense of self-worth; it get's harder and harder. Don't even get me started on what Amy does to Sheldon, Ok?**_

_**You guys may see a meeting of the minds, and a logical relationship. But I can barely get over the lack of chemistry between the actors, let alone the bit where they make each others characters worse in nearly every way possible. **_

_**If that's love to you, and you can't get enough, then go read some Shamy fanfiction and do you. Stop reading the stories I, and other authors and fellow Shenny shippers, helpfully tag with Shenny right there in the summary. You know, the summary? That thing your supposed to read before clicking on my story and reading the bitch? That.**_

_**I get that canons all about the Shamy, trust me. I do. Writing and reading Shenny fics is how I cope with this knowledge that hurts me somewhere suspiciously near my soul. So quit leaving me flames! There is this happy bubbly anticipation I get every time I see I got a review, and having it be your bs is fucking up a wonderful thing.**_

_**If you really feel the need to attempt to convert me to your world view, I welcome you to log in and PM me. I have yet to meet a real discussion I didn't like. And I will only be too happy to argue you into the ground. **_

_**Rant over, thanks again to all of you who submitted your comments! And reviewed! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and apologize for the tirade. But I needed to get that off my chest. And wow, this might be the longest A/N I have ever posted. Ever.**_

_**Sorry about that. Let me know what you think? Please and thank you!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Not that Kind of Web-Show**

_**by: muaaimoi**_

It's not Amy knocking when she opens the door.

It's Leonard. A flustered and jealous Leonard. Penny knows the signs.

He thrust the laptop at her face. Penny stares at the same webpage she was just on.

"What's this!" Leonard demands.

"Crazy people on YouTube." Penny says, because that is definitely what that is.

"Do you know what they're saying about you and Sheldon?" Leonard squawks.

"Unfortunately." Penny sighs. It is a mad, mad world out there.

"Can you believe these people? Just because it looked a little like you were looking at his junk, they think you want to sleep with him!"

Penny runs her fingers through her blonde mane, exasperated." Tell me about it."

Leonard frowns," You don't want to sleep with him right? I mean bigger doesn't mean better."

Penny's perfectly aware of that. Some guys with smaller dicks had managed to thrust hard enough inside of her that she felt them more deeply than a few others who'd been more gifted. Leonard is not one of those guys.

"I know." She says anyway. Because she's a good girlfriend.

"Oh." Leonard says, the fight draining out of him only to be replaced with a smug smirk." Good."

Penny rolls her eyes, then remembers that Amy's job lets out earlier than Leonard's. "Hey. Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Yeah. Don't worry." Leonard says, waving a hand."I got someone to cover my class."

"Wait." Penny says, holding a hand up."Are you telling me you ditched work and ran over here because people on Youtube think I want to sleep with Sheldon?"

"Um. No?" Leonard ventures carefully.

"Are you serious right now? Leonard!" Penny cannot believe this shit.

"I left because people on the internet think Sheldon wants to sleep with you!" Leonard blurts.

Penny just glares at him. His idiocy speaks for itself.

"I'm sorry!" Leonard exclaims."It's just he started talking about crowd consciousness and did you actually watch the episode? When he told you to open your legs and invite them in, what was that about? I mean come on! Catch me up here!"

The thing is that Leonard isn't actually asking about the episode. He's ranting. Justifying his jealousy even though he has no actual reason to be jealous. It's ridiculous. It's familiar. It's what happens every time anything remotely male gets close to Penny and Leonard finds out about it.

It pisses her off. Coupled with the current rage she's feeling toward Amy and the simple fact that Penny has never had the longest fuse...well, she explodes. Leonard gets the burnt of it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Penny demands."That's all it takes? Sheldon makes a whack-a-doodle comment on a web-show and you go; hey? I bet my girlfriend is totally going to cheat on me! I mean all it takes is someone wanting to get into her pants and her legs spread wide open. Never mind that she's never given me a reason to think she'd cheat!"

"Penny-" Leonard begins helplessly.

"No! Penny my ass. You don't get to talk your way out of this one. You don't trust me. You never trust me! And you never will!"

"Pen-" Leonard tries again. But Penny is tired of his crap. She is tired of having to try so hard to be a good girlfriend. She is tired of having to resort to a vibrator for the first time in her life. She's just tired of being with Leonard. And she's done. Just done.

"We're through" Penny says, and she slams the door in his face.

He knocks for a while. Her phone rings. She makes a point of not answering either.

He backs off withing half an hour and Penny can't hold back the nasty thought that Leonard has never really had staying power.

She grabs some wine off her fridge and sips straight from the bottle. She's so angry. Not even mad, not the usual explosion of rage that yelling and screaming get out of her system. No, it's not a hot rage, it's almost cold, actually. Like all the bottled up resentment that she's ever felt for Leonard bubbled up to the surface and froze. Harsh ice over her usual temper.

Penny stews as she changes her Facebook relationship status. She feels like Leonard got off too easy.

But there's still Amy to deal with, and she has a feeling that Leaving the apartment will only get her ambushed on the stairs. Leonard's very good at that. He'd had a ton of practice long before they began dating.

Sometimes she still wonders how she'd ever over looked the stalking and creepiness. Sure Sheldon had been more intrusive, managing to figure out when her period came and everything, but at least he'd been up front about it. He'd never bothered to hide his weirdness. That was the big difference between Leonard and Sheldon. Somewhere inside of himself Leonard was really ashamed of being a geek.

Sheldon could not care less. Sheldon is perfectly happy being who he is, and proud of it.

It's a weird confidence. Penny's used to people like herself, those who are confident because they're liked. Sheldon's confidence is the complete opposite. He doesn't care how much people hate him so long as they agree that he's smart. And frankly? There's no denying that.

Amy's similar. They both have this need to be smarter than everybody else, to know more and rub it into other peoples faces. Sometimes she thinks it's the only reason they're together. To stroke each others ego's. Except that Amy does all the heavy lifting in that department if that's the case.

Penny's wondering how buzzed the pittance of wine left in the bottle is going to get her when someone starts knocking on her door again.

This time it is Amy. She knows from the happy, exited quality of the knocks.

Penny sighs, bracing herself for the pot of crazy to come and opens the door.

Amy's quick to assault her with a hug.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Amy chants as she clings to her, and Penny can only blink. Bemused.

"What for?" Penny asks, once she manages to disentangle herself from the over excited neurologist and sit her on the couch.

Amy beams at her."You even broke up with Leonard so as to not hurt his feelings when we achieve our goal! I've never been so touched. No ones ever broken up with their boyfriend for me before!"

Amy is beginning to sound choked up.

" No, no, no!" Penny exclaims." I did not break up with Leonard because of you. I broke up with Leonard because of Leonard!"

"Well I suppose it's convenient all the same." Amy says, some of her excitement simmering down." So what's the plan?"

"There is no plan! Amy, I am not sleeping with Sheldon so that he'll have sex with you." Penny says firmly. She would have said it earlier over the phone, but her brain had been too busy short-circuiting.

"Not even once?" Amy asks, giving Penny the kicked dog look that always caught her right in the heart strings." It's his first time, it wont last very long."

"No!" Penny said, standing firm.

"But why not? Don't you find him attractive?"

"Amy, you're not suppose to want your friends to sleep with your boyfriend. Actually, your suppose to keep other girls off him." Penny explained. Only in nerd world did that actually need explaining.

"Oh." Amy said, getting a thoughtful look on her face. " Are you sure? I find the thought of you and Sheldon engaging in coitus to be very arousing."

Penny gapes. She has no words. She just, she cant even-No. Just no.

Amy doesn't seem to notice, carrying on." In fact I was hoping that you would let me record the session for further study. I'm sure that I could learn a lot from your technique. Admittedly I would be very distracted by the sight of your gorgeous body writhing on top of Sheldon at first. But with enough viewing to desensitize myself of my initial reaction I'm sure I could analyze it clinically and learn from-"

"No!" Penny yelps. It's like her freaking catchphrase today." No way. I am never making a sex tape! Not this actress, hell no."

"It would be an educational vid-"

"No!" Penny snaps forcefully, making an X with her hands." No way in hell."

"Will you at least reconsider sleeping with Sheldon then?"

"No!" Penny still can't even believe she'd asked the first time." Amy, do you really love Sheldon? You keep trying to pimp him out to me!"

Amy frowns thoughtfully."I suppose it does seem that way now that I think about it...It's just, I-I really want to have sex Penny. I want to cross that final frontier and have my boyfriend kiss me every day. And to want sex when I get home. I want to be wanted. And I'm sure that if anyone could get Sheldon to like sex, it would be you."

For one very odd minute, Penny feels bizarrely touched, then reality kicks in and Penny thinks about what Amy's just said.

"Amy, I hate to break it to you. But that boyfriend is not going to be Sheldon. Why don't you just break up with him and find a nice guy who'll do all of that. You know, like Stuart. Whatever happened between you guys anyway?"

"Stuart doesn't have a Phd." Amy admits grudgingly." Sheldon has two."

"Huh." Penny says, she hadn't seen that coming." Well I'm sure Sheldon will still want to be friends. You can get your science on with Sheldon and you'd get to actually have sex with Stuart."

" Wouldn't that be cheating?"

" No! You'd have to having sex with Sheldon for it to be cheating!" Penny will never understand geeks. They maybe her closest friends, but she still wonders what planet they grew up on most of the time. Because it sure as hell doesn't sound like earth to her.

" Will things be different? For us I mean. Will we still have girl nights and brunch if I break up with Sheldon?"

And suddenly Penny gets it. It's like she waded through the insanity and finally got to the other side. It's just like it was when she broke up with Leonard the first time. Who gets custody of the friends when your not a couple anymore. It's Sheldon's confusion about his place in her life all over again.

" Hey, I'm your friend even if you're not Sheldon's girlfriend alright? We'll still hang out all the time and have girls night and stuff with Bernadette, okay?"

" Okay." Amy says, and her voice comes out small.

" Just think about what we talked about." Penny says. She really does want Amy to be happy, and Sheldon just isn't that boyfriend.

They're both silent for a while. Penny drains her wine bottle and Amy gives a deep sigh.

"I think I need to talk to Sheldon then." Amy says, sounding somber as she stood.

"I think so too." Penny agreed, rising to open the door.

"But are you absolutely certain you don-"

" No!" Penny snaps, and shuts the door.

She stares at it blankly for a moment before looking back at her kitchen. The alcohol shelf she usually keeps well stocked looks pretty dry. Penny thinks about her day for a minute and opens the door, screw Leonard, she needs some alcohol to deal with all this.

That should have been the end of it.

Sure Penny isn't with Leonard anymore, and yes, Amy did end up braking up with Sheldon. But it shouldn't actually change things between Penny and Sheldon. They've both been single people before, and it hasn't affected their relationship. This shouldn't be any different.

Except for the part where it is. Because somehow it does. It changes things in Penny's head, wires that shouldn't touch are crossed, and all of a sudden she feels awkward when she's alone with Sheldon.

Penny really hates that stupid web-show...And Amy, Amy and Youtube, because the whole having wet dreams starring Sheldon thing? So not her fault. Certainly not something that would have happened if she hadn't gone on Fun with Flags.

_**X**_

_**So down go the Lenny ands Shamy ships.**_

_**And once again, Shenny shippers, this bit is not for you;**_

**_Lenny shippers, you're up. _**

**_First order of business; Leonard is the most boring character in the show. If you find him to be relate-able and the only 'normal' guy on there, good for you. Hopefully the implication doesn't go over your head. If it does? Let me spell it out for you. YOU ARE BORING! That's honestly the worst insult I've got. At least despicable people are interesting._**

**_Even canon Penny agrees on some level because she admits she's bored with her relationship. And I hate that. I love Penny. I love her for her passion, her character, her sense of FUN. Note how all of these things don't have anything to do with Leonard? I hate Lenny because being with Leonard makes Penny less. End of story. There's really no arguing that. It's pretty blatant._**

**_All Leonard has going for him as a boyfriend is availability. He's always there for her, you Lenny shippers cry. Guess what? You're cheering for a doormat. Being a good boyfriend to someone doesn't mean that you should be with a person. That's just not how relationships work. It takes two to tango, if you really cared about Leonard I don't think you'd want him to be with a girl that took years of dating to say I love you. Except that Penny is awesome, so of course you do. But showing up to the draw and stuffing the ballot doesn't mean you deserve the prize._**

**_ As someone who has fallen for the whole 'Gasp! Guy friend must be special because he's always available' thing, let me tell you, that relationship is hella-hollow. _**

**_I could go into the usual points for why Leonard is a douche, because on some level I agree that he is, and his occasional douche-ness is pretty much when I notice him. But I won't. Because if he owned up to it and was notably hate-able, I might just like him better. I like Will Wheaton more than I like him. As it is, I can barely bring myself to write about him. I edit him out of my stories as much as I can. The most attention he gets in anything I write is as a plot device, like in this chapter. So gripe all you want. Don't care._**

**_Rant over. Thank you for those of you who reviewed! We are getting to the last and finally smutty chapter. I hope you guy's enjoy the rest of this!_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Not that Kind of Web-Show**

**by: muaaimoi**

At first, it's just weird.

It hasn't been a full week since she broke up with Leonard. And she's sort of hoping that the dreams stop once she goes and gets laid.

They don't. If anything, they get worse.

Penny hates feeling this way around Sheldon. She's never kidded herself when it came to her sex drive. Penny liked sex, and while she'd never specifically thought of herself as someone who was lustful, she would never deny that she was.

But this was getting ridiculous.

She's perched on a tightrope. Every look, every rant, every Sheldon-y thing the stupid whack-a-doodle does, and she's reminded of a dream.

And they're all different. Not one wet dream is the same. The sex is consistently fantastic though. Penny wakes up wet and aching between her legs. Her vibrator is seeing more use now than it ever did when she was with Leonard. She doesn't know why her subconscious has decided she and Sheldon would be nymphomaniacs, but she just wants it to stop.

In her dreams, they do it everywhere. No flat surface is safe. No spot is sacred enough, and she's starting to think even Sheldon, king of the socially clueless-is starting to suspect something.

He's begun to act...differently around her. Not outrageously, the way he does when something is wrong, or he's gotten some weird idea into his head. It's almost subtle. The Sheldon version, anyway.

There aren't as many backhanded insults. More backhanded compliments. She's caught him giving her these thoughtful glances sometimes. If she wasn't so hyper aware of him lately she probably wouldn't have noticed.

But she is, so she does. She wonders if he has any idea what he's doing to her.

Probably not.

It's got her wound tight enough that she almost turns Sheldon down when he says he wants her help on another 'Fun with Flags' episode. But he apologizes for the last spiel he gave her on the subject, and that, Sheldon doing something decent for once, has been a weakness of hers long before the nightmare ordeal.

And they're nightmares. Really, they are. Penny is totally going with that- it helps keep her sane.

She let's him in at noon the next morning and he goes about setting up. And bending in front of her is not helping her control her new found lust. Penny closes her eyes, trying desperately to distract herself from the vivid memory of dream Penny and Sheldon getting freaky on her kitchen counter that she had last night.

Well that, and the view of Sheldon's butt. It's a very nice butt. Which is why it's making her think about grabbing it and just-

"Penny?" Sheldon says, and she realizes he's ready to begin filming.

"Why'd you wanna film here, anyway?" Penny asks in a sad attempt to calm herself down. Sheldon is not someone who deviates from his routines for no reason.

"We are less likely to be interrupted here." Sheldon replies, and something about the answer seems off.

"Leonard knows better than to be loud when you're recording by now, doesn't he?" It's still awkward being in his space, but being alone in a house with Sheldon is not helping her libido. She'd rather put up with Leonard's hangdog looks and sad eyes.

"It is not a matter of being interrupted while we film." Sheldon replies curtly.

Penny crosses her arms. Something smells fishy, she knows Sheldon too well to go along with whatever he has in mind without knowing what it is.

"So what exactly do you not want to be interrupted doing?" Penny demands. Then she watches, transfixed, as Sheldon blushes. She's never seen his face so red.

"Nothing!" Sheldon snaps, and she would have known he was lying even without the ticks.

Suddenly, Penny has a horrible thought.

"Sheldon, do you want to have sex with me because a bunch of people on the internet say you should?" It would be just her luck. It wasn't like the argument with Leonard was bad enough. Oh no, now Sheldon had to get the thought in his head too.

"Not at all." Sheldon sniffs, all geeky prim, and Penny feels better. Or so she tells herself anyway. She's not going to sleep with the guy. She's not."I simply wish to conduct a social experiment. You see, strangers over the web seem to believe you and I have 'chemistry' in the sense that we would be well suited romantic partners. I simply wish to see if we are compatible. Primarily physically."

"Physically?" Penny parrots."So you do want to have sex with me?"

It's a very important question.

She's treated to the sight of Sheldon blushing again. There's something sinfully appealing about the flush on his cheeks. She wonders how far down it goes. She wants to trace it with her mouth.

"No. I read that kissing would suffice."

"Kissing proves physical compatibility?" Penny asks absently, staring at Sheldon's mouth. His bottom lip is slightly fuller than the top one.

It would be very hard to stop at kissing Sheldon, Penny thinks.

"Yes." Sheldon clears his throat, licks his lips." If you would be so kind as to... Initiate the action?"

It takes Penny a moment to realize Sheldon just asked her to kiss him.

Next thing she knows she's biting Sheldon's full bottom lip. He moans, high and startled and Penny takes it as an invitation to lick into his mouth.

It's hot. Kissing Sheldon is painfully, mind bogglingly hot. Penny can't think. She doesn't know how

long it lasts, but she chases his mouth when Sheldon pulls away. They're both panting, and the noise is not helping Penny manage the situation in her pants.

"I believe we are physically compatible."Sheldon says roughly.

"Yeah." Penny nods absently,"I got that." She really wishes she hadn't actually. Her body feels like it's on fire. Stupid dreams. Stupid lack of self control. Penny just wants to pull out his dick, crawl into his lap, and mount him.

"Crowds know better than individuals Penny." Sheldon says in that 'I-know-everything' tone that drives her insane. For a moment, all she wants in the world is to hit him.

In the next, all she wants in the world is to fuck him. Penny can't remember feeling so horny in her entire life. Her hands make small aborted motions towards her lap. She needs some relief desperately.

"It's called crowd consciousness. It taps into the power of the collective minds."Sheldon is still talking. She doesn't understand how he's still talking. He's still breathing just as heavily as Penny is."The majority generally has better judgement than the individual. As you previously stated, many of our viewers believe that we should engage in coitus."

Penny looks up hopefully at the word coitus." So you're saying we should have sex?"

Cheeks crimson, Sheldon nods. It's hardly a deceleration of love, but when has Penny needed that?

Screw it, Penny thinks, if nothing else-it might get sleeping with him out of her system.

Penny straddles him in a swift practiced move. Crushes his mouth to hers.

She's been trying not to feel this way for so long, that finally letting herself want him, letting herself have him-makes her feel dizzy. Like she's been holding back a flood and now that she's let go she's drowning in it. The feel of Sheldon's skin is delicious, Penny's so hungry for it. She pulls back for a moment, tears his usual dual layers of shirts right off him.

Discards her own shirt and bra just as quickly.

And then claims his mouth again.

She grinds her ass into Sheldon's lap, moaning at the warm feeling of his cock through his pants.

It takes every shred of self control she has left to tear herself away long enough to get rid of her underwear and pants. Sheldon's gaze sears into her body; her pussy gives an eager throb and Penny knows she's not going to last.

Her lips begin working neck as she slides her fingers into herself. Two fingers slip in easily, she's incredibly wet.

Sheldon's hands grip her hips as wriggles against him, rubbing her breasts against chest. One of them slips lower and gropes her ass.

Penny moans her approval.

She unbuttons Sheldon's pants using her free hand. The head of his boner peeks out of his underwear. She takes her fingers out of her pussy and touches the head with wet fingers. Sheldon jolts against her, and Penny grips his cock.

He's big, larger than anyones she's slept with since she was with Leonard. His cock feels great in her hands, hot and thick. She's surprised to find he's not cut, teases the foreskin with her thumb.

Sheldon groans breathlessly, burying his head into the crook of her neck. The feel of his lips at her neck is divine, Penny shivers. Feeling Sheldon's length in her hands and his lips trailing kisses down her throat is too much. She'll be surprised if she lasts through him putting it in.

She comforts herself with the knowledge that Sheldon is a virgin and he'll probably finish first if she can manage past having him bottom out inside her. Penny begins to line his cock up against her entrance, brushing the head of his dick against her clit in the process.

"Ready?" She asks, breathless.

Sheldon meets her eyes squarely. They've had some intense eye contact through the years. This is the most intimate it's ever been. Looking into his hooded blue eyes, Penny knows that this won't be a one time thing. She won't let it be, not when it could be so much more.

"Ready." Sheldon affirms, his lips leave their lovely work at her collarbone and meet hers tenderly.

Forcing herself to remember to breathe, Penny begins to move her hips down. The feeling of Sheldon's dick rubbing against her walls is exquisite. It's all she can think about as she grinds against him. She can feel him deep inside and she loves it. Every inch of Sheldon is fantastic. Every rock of her hips is even better than the last.

Sheldon's hands grip her hips unforgivingly as she moves against him. Penny loses all sense of time, frantic. All she knows is that everything feels amazing. It's so good. Sheldon meets every grind of her hips with a thrust of her own and every angle is fantastic.

Sheldons lips leave her own and trail down the valley of her breasts. His tongue find its way to one of her nipples.

Penny's mouth is moving, and she's pretty sure she's changing "yes-yes-yes", or maybe "oh-god-oh-god-oh-god" the way you do when the sex is too good for you to be coherent. Sheldon's teeth scrapes against her nipple in a soft bite.

Just like that, Penny comes. Her vision blacks out, her body convulses and she's barely aware of Sheldon following suit. Coming hard inside her, the feeling over pushes her right into another orgasm.

They slump over on her couch, falling sideways. Penny loses time again, she doesn't know how long they lie there together, trying to get their bearings.

"I'm so glad I'm on birth control." Penny muses aloud, cuddling into Sheldons chest. She turns her head, tucking her hair away from her overheated skin. That's when the blinking light if the camera registers.

"Did you just record all that?" Penny demands, happy post coital cloud gone up in smoke.

Sheldon blinked at the camera in confusion." I suppose when one of us shifted, we must have hit the remote and activated the camera. You know, Amy has spoken wistfully about watching you engage in coitus. I suppose this is a happy accident."

Penny stood."You're going to need a new camera." She informed Sheldon, snatching the camera from the stand. Stupid wackadoodle, Penny thought, smashing the camera into a satisfying mess on the ground. It was a good thing he was so good in bed.

**X**

**So I feel like I should end this with a rant for continuity's sake. I mean, I might as well top it all off right?**

**For the (hopefully) last time, Shenny shippers, this bit is not for you;**

**Let me start by saying that I honestly don't understand all the butthurt over the love fandom has for Shenny. You bitches have canon, get off your high horse and let it go already! At which point did it become acceptable human behavior to harass people for taking the time and effort to share a beloved hobby with the world? Do you really think that it's noble? That you're somehow, magically, in the right because you feel offended by my choice in pairing? You have to go out of your way to click on my story. That means you go out of your way to read something you already know you won't enjoy. Let's please take a moment to acknowledge how fucking stupid that is, shall we?**

**And the thing is; you guys read it. You're reading -this- right now. It's not even like you're trolling every author that tags their summary with shenny. You guys read the whole -goddamned- thing. And you keep coming back for more. I know because you let me know you'll keep reading my stories, and have in fact gone out of your way to inform me that you've read all my other stories too. All while insulting me and my stories of course. Which, again, makes no fucking sense.**

**I'm not that good an author. It's not like you come back for the compelling plot and well executed syntax.**

**Are you guys shenny shippers in denial? Do you justify your actions by leaving a mean review? Do you tell yourselves you're only reading the shenny story to let those delusional authors know they get everything wrong? Do you need someone to give you a hug and tell you to just accept that shipping shenny feels good?**

**Shenny love is awesome people. We won't judge you for it. It's okay to enjoy it.**

**When you take the lovely, vivacious, captivating lady that is Penny, and then pair her with the brilliant, quirky, and compelling scientist that is Sheldon, you get some motherfucking amazing fireworks. It's like squaring awesome. Seriously, they're stupidly -hot- together. Absolutely dynamic.**

**Watching Sheldon spank Amy reminded me of mouse headbutting each other. The thought of Sheldon spanking Penny makes me giggle like a dirty old man. I've already owned up to happily ignoring that Leonard exists when I can get away with it.**

**At the end of the day, I ship what I ship. Honestly speaking you guys do piss me off. But not in the 'my fragile feelings!' way. I'm too much of an asshole myself to even consider letting myself get pushed around like that. Basically the rabid dragon that is my self esteem roars, I get frustrated by your stupidity and type faster in the hopes of pissing -you- off.**

**So flaming me is basically putting the cart before the horse. And as I have no doubt you'll do it anyway, and I'm in a magnanimous mood today, I do hope you learn to welcome the joy that is shenny shipping into your life. And while you fail at doing that, I hope karma bites you in the ass for being a horrible example of a decent human being.**

**Rant over.**

**Thank you so much everyone who reviewed and helped me out with this! You guys are amazing and I hope you enjoyed the smut. I know I enjoyed writing it ;)**


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